Gastro-intestinal Insurance

David Beckham took out a $78 million policy for his legs. Cristiano Ronaldo was fouled so often that Real Madrid insured his lower body for $153 million. Even Heidi Klum's legs (what's she got that I don't have?) are insured for $2.2 million. Why is it that the only insurance I can find for a far more essential part of my anatomy is a suitcase full of remedies of dubious effect? I can't read the miniscule print (if that's actually printing and not insect droppings) on the boxes anyway.... just label them ON and OFF, please! I have no room left in my suitcase for clothes, and by all reports I will need more changes of outfit than Keidi Klum. The real reason Heidi Klum gets insurance from LLOYD's of London and I don't? I am told it's all in how much they have to pay their claims adjusters...in one case they will happily work for free...in the other, not so much.....